World saving plastic 8-incher Action Man caused controversy today with his comments on toy manufacturer Mattel’s new ‘curvy’ Barbie range.
The new curvy Barbie will feature a more realistic figure than the classic size zero Barbie – this is in line with parents requests for a doll that young women are more likely to grow up to look like, and one that won’t give them unrealistic expectations and trigger pressures regarding body image.
“I’d still bang her” said Action Man, who these days can be found sharing a pint with evil Doctor X in the Sheffield pub they now run together.
“We all think classic Barbie is fit” added Doctor X “but curvy Barbie seems like the sort of girl you could have more of a laugh with. Size zero Barbie didn’t speak to our mate Ken for a week once, just because he farted in bed after they’d ordered in a Dominoes – from what I’ve heard new curvy Barbie isn’t bothered by that sort of thing”
“You’d want a few pints first” said Action Man, who’s well publicised divorce from Sindy has left him single and looking for a new squeeze “but I’d definitely still bang her”
“Yeah I’d bring her back to Base X anytime” said Doctor X “she looks like she’s up for it. It’s been pretty thin on the ground for us male action figures since those Bratz girls went out of fashion, they were absolute filth”
Despite the twittersphere largely condemning Action Man’s views, Mattel games were very encouraged by his and Doctor X’s comments, stating that this was exactly the reaction they were after.
“This shows young women that real blokes will shag them after a few jars regardless of their body shape” said a spokesperson “this is a victory for feminism and equality, thank you Action Man!”