Worse news is on the way for the citizens of Aleppo as it has been announced that they are due to twin their city with Swindon. The inhospitable and dangerous city to the west of the country was named as Aleppo’s twin in a low key ceremony this morning.

“It is just terrible” said Ahmed Al-Sunra, a born and bred Swindon resident “first Nile Ranger and now this, no one’s going to come and visit our railway museum and unusually complex roundabout anymore.”

“It is just terrible” said Gaz Evans, a born and bred Aleppo resident “first Isis, now this, no one’s going to come and visit our mule museum or unusually complex interpretation of religious dogma anymore.”

This comes as the latest in a long list of UK towns being twinned with controversial locations: Surbiton was twinned with 1930’s Berlin, Hull with Hell and London with South London.

– Samuel Thurston