Tories clamour to back Brexit after Osborne’s revelation that it will hit the poor the hardest. A new economic report on the impact of an exit from the E.U. has prompted a sudden surge of support from previously pro-EU Tory politicians.

One jolly-looking Tory M.P. told reporters, “In a study carried out by the Treasury, it has been estimated that each household would be about £4,300 per year worse off. That’s probably what poor people spend in Farmfoods every year.

A financial loss of that magnitude will help incentivise poor people to slim down and then die, sparing decent, high-achieving families billions in welfare. It’s something that we hadn’t really considered before, we’d just been too focused on winding Boris Johnson up.

It will also be a relief not to be in agreement with Jeremy Corbyn any longer. That was fucking terrifying.”

When asked about the embarrassment of the U-turns after spending £9 million on pro-EU leaflets, the MP replied, “Shhhhh…something…previous government…all in it together…private affair…” And melted backwards into the mist.