Sam Allardyce is reported to be over his recent England debacle as he has successfully landed his dream role – as manager of his local Greggs.
The former Bolton Wanderers and Newcastle gaffer left his job as England Manager – a position known for being as difficult to maintain as Taylor Swift’s boyfriend – earlier this week after a successful sting operation caught the millionaire bragging openly about how much money he had and how many steak and kidney puddings he bought last week.
“If you want to know how to get around third-party ownership, come to Big Sam”, chuckled Allardyce in between mouthfuls of crushed up pig colon.
Unperturbed by his stint of unemployment, Sam took his wobbly frame to the job centre and instantly found himself asked for interview for the Greggs role.
“Once we saw his CV we just had to ask him”, said Elena Fisfuct, head of HR for the bakers. He’s a born leader and known for getting the best out of his workers but more than that he’s our most regular customer. Big Sam loves his morning steak bake”.
Big Sam is set to be hit by a huge pay cut as he makes the move to the small Chorley branch. As England manager, the pie enthusiast earned a salary of £3 million while the going wage for Greggs store manager is less than £40,000.
It is currently unclear who will succeed Big-boned Sam as England gaffer but it is believed that Nigel Farage has voiced his interest after miraculously finding himself NOT UKIP leader.