Friendly partisan fuckwits, the Democratic Unionist Party, have demanded an investigation into the suggestion that ‘gays cause floods’.

MP for Nutjobster, Kelly O’FlannaMcAnrahan, said it was “clear that gays cause harm to the environment” and that “an investigation was needed as a matter of national security to prove this fact once and for all.”

The demand has been a top priority for the Datty Ukulele Party ever since the idea was first shat out by UKIP councillor, David Silvester, in 2014, after all the gay floods.

O’FlannaMcAnrahan continued by saying: “to be sure, we all know that a natural disaster occurs somewhere on this flat planet of ours every time gay men kiss. I saw two gay men kiss once, and I instantly felt a rumble. I had to go home and check I was okay…”

One gay had this to say: “I can confirm, it is true: us gays cause all the floods… on purpose! MmmHmm.”

The investigation, as explained by O’FlannaMcAnrahan, will involve rounding up all the gays and making them kiss and watching what happens.

The new Minister for Awkwardness, Michael Gove, is said to be happy to go ahead and conduct a strong and stable investigation himself.

 

– David Bennett