An army of anti-vaxxers is to be drafted in to cover the shortfall during the junior doctor strike due to their impressive knowledge of medical science.
The rag-tag band of frantic mums, keyboard warriors and know-it-all fuckwits will plug the gap by employing all they learned from a couple of Google searches and something they misread on Twitter.
Rabid anti-vaxxer and proud mother of three kids with measles Janet Bastion said: “First thing we’ll do is stop giving any vaccines to babies as some bloke on Reddit said it would give them ADHD or something.
“Then we’d halt all chemotherapy as it’s a conspiracy by Big Pharma to keep people alive for longer so they can sell them even more poison to keep them alive.
“We’ll save the NHS a shitload in cash and beds.”
Health Secretary and pretend medicine fan Jeremy Hunt has welcomed the anti-vaxxers’ contribution as they will be the only people working in the health service taking him seriously.
He said: “As far as I’m concerned those so-called junior doctors can stay on strike.
“What do they know with their pissing five-year degrees and thousands of hours of training?
“I’d much rather have a bunch of easily-led morons who reckon they know something someone may or may not have told them.”
The anti-vaxxers will start work as soon they find out what a hospital looks like and how many fingers and toes a normal person should have.