BBC use new TV license money to protect identities of un-caught 70s paedo presenters.

License fees are being more rigorously enforced today as the BBC tries to raise funds for future projects. As well as paying for Poldark’s scythe-wax and the Blue Peter garden the Beeb has put aside a large chunk of money to help conceal it’s paedophile staff who have not yet been caught in Operation Yewtree.

“We just don’t want to have any more embarrassing incidents like Jimmy Saville or Leezo from Newsround again” said Director General Tony Hall “so we are using the license money to ‘quieten down’ some of the people who are coming forward as new victims”

For legal reasons the accused presenters cannot be named, though the official records of the accusations give plenty of clues as to who the celebrities may be:
· One account tells of the abuse happening at ‘a house party’ with lots of ‘gunge’ being squirted around by a large pink and yellow spotted man with obvious learning difficulties.
Another tale tells of a singer who wanted a ‘Living Doll’ who picked up underage Bachelor Boys on his Summer Holidays and used a combination of Congratulations, Mistletoe and Wine to ensnare his prey.

Accusations levelled at Springwatch are also being investigated with a rumour being circulated that an otter who appeared rolling around naked in a river was under 16 years old at the time of filming. Presenter Chris Packham assured viewers that despite this all small native birds were asked for their ID before being allowed to participate in the programme, confidently stating to our reporter that “we only get the tits out if they are old enough”