A confused American has spoken of his failure to grasp how his beloved democratic political system can leave him with Donald Trump.

“It’s like trying to choose between genital herpes and type 2 diabetes!” said 24 year old Jim Langley as he scratched his head to us over the two presidential candidates. “And we’ve ended up with AIDs”.

Americans have always treasured their precious freedom which has lead them to be the envy of the modern world, with several extremist terror groups forming out of jealousy of their lax-stance on getting shot by guns and drive-thrus.

Indeed, the United States prides itself so much on its democracy that it often tries to export it around the globe, making the world a thoroughly more peaceful place in the process.

All which has left Langley in the dark as to how Trump can be the two most qualified person to be president.

Hilary is best known for her stand-out performance in South Park and for being statistically less popular than an aneurysm.

Meanwhile, high-flying businessman, Donald is world famous for out-cunting even Piers Morgan and his tough stance on complex issues such as Mexicans and women.

Americans are poised to vote in this childhood monster as the de facto leader of their country and Langley’s sentiments echo that of much of the country:

“We’re fucked”.