The famed car manufacturer BMW have today sent out recall notices for thousands of their new models, in a move seen as long overdue. According to motoring sources, the new BMW models come with a list of issues, including strange orange lights, ineffective braking, and penis shrinkage.

Some critics have voiced concerns over the new in built sat nav’s, one professional, middle class and shorter-than-average man spoke to us. “I picked the young woman’s voice hoping for some gratification, but it just doesn’t feel like she likes me.” Other complaints include that there is no congratulations for making maneuvers successfully, and that the sat nav’s voice is not ‘seductive enough’ when giving directions.

The BMW is a well known car for anyone feeling under endowed, though the later models have been criticized for being ‘too easy to drive considerately’. Users concluded that there was all round too much visibility, too much control and the brakes were shockingly effective. “It was just a nasty surprise really,” One driver told us,” It’s almost like it’s our fault when we rear end someone.”

But the latest series of issues have caused controversy all through the motoring world. BMW have not announced specific mechanical faults, but rather more illusive problems. Floods on complaints have forced the giant to it’s knees, so that instead of trying to encourage standards by including indicators and effective steering, the manufacturer has decided these things are more superficial.

The change has brought positive consensus among BMW fans. “I can’t wait to get my car back from recall, I kept hitting the orange light button when I approached my turn off, nightmare!” Tim, from accounting, told us.

“The less I have to do for myself the better, I say,” another driver expressed, though was unhappy he’d have to drive the Range Rover to work until he had the car back.