Bono, lead singer of 80’s slop-rock band U2 has been named in Glamour Magazine’s list for “Woman of the Year 2016.”

A spokesman for the magazine told reporters: “We’d already thought of nine women who we reckon are cool and female without being shrill about it, but then we found ourselves at a bit of a loss. Someone suggested that Malaba Yousafzai girl, but her eyebrows were just a bit too radical for our readers. We also considered Angela Eagle but we googled her and, you know…WTF? In the end someone remembered that Bono likes to get involved in literally anything so we contacted him to get his advice, knowing that he had been at a loose end since he told Africans that it was Christmas and got kicked out of Boyzone.

He agreed that there was a shortage of admirable women this year and then casually dropped into the conversation that in order to better understand the, “Truth That is Woman,” he has recently grown himself a really first-class almost-vagina. He went on to say that he felt it was his duty as a man to lurk around Women’s Centres and make sure that the sistas were femaling correctly. He sounded shattered bless him, but he still went there seven days a week.

It was pretty much a done deal-we all agreed that he is a perfect role-model for young women. We weren’t really worried about any controversy as we’d already punted Caitlyn Jenner through last year; and what really is true femininity? Should it be defined as being female? What’s their problem? We’ve given them a list of admirable women and all they do is complain that we’ve let one tiny mostly-man on it! One out of ten, but you don’t see the men screaming inequality! That’s probably because they don’t have periods, you know.”