Professional buffoon and “LOL IT’S BORIS” has reportedly been knackered this afternoon having been up through the small hours trying to write “OUT” correctly on a piece of paper.
The lead Leave campaigner has been surprisingly eloquent throughout the canvassing – labouring every point of his argument with his Eton drawl and cow-munching-cud face.
But now Referendum Day is upon us, Boris has made another blunder by being too sleepy to do any last-minute campaigning after being up all night practising writing “OUT” on a scrap piece of paper.
Reports say the former Mayor of London is not used to having to manually write anything down, and is more at home dictating to his subjects – much like his beloved idol Adolf Hitler.
“We were planning on some 11th hour strategy talk but Boris said he had something to do urgently”, said a Leave insider. “However, with Boris that could be anything from planning ways to undermine Cameron to sticking his dick in the wall socket.
When the maid’s butler’s footman went into Boris’ chamber around 1:00am however, he found scraps of paper strewn everywhere around the room. On all of them seemed to be some childish hieroglyphs and a load of dick drawings. But there were also many ‘OUT’s written all over the pages with varying degrees of accuracy.”
A groggy Boris announced to the footman he was trying to make sure he got the word absolutely correct, in case they tried to mistake his “OUT” for an “IN”