Following Donald Trump’s victory in the US presidential election, world leaders have sent congratulatory messages to the Republican nominee. However, Theresa May has announced plans to invade America and re-colonise its lands. A spokesman from downing street released this statement earlier today:

‘We are alarmed and perturbed in equal measure by Donald Trump’s ascension to the White House. We feel we have been more than generous by giving the Americans two hundred and forty years of independence, but this is the last straw. Our leniency has been tested over the past few decades, we let Bush go by and have even put up with those ridiculous Kardashians, but they have gone too far this time. By choosing Donald Trump to be their president, the American people have shown a severe lack in judgement and can no longer be trusted with independence. Our great country has a moral obligation to intervene and prevent this madman from doing anything distasteful, that could damage other countries too.’

It is also reported that the crown is behind Mrs May’s plan of action, although it is understood that the Duke of Edinburgh was very much looking forward to meeting Mr Trump.