With the news that his being dropped from dead horse flogging Top Gear is forthcoming, crybaby bost Chris Evans has whinged about not having the opportunity to have thumped the producer just yet.

Top Gear was once the flagship show of BBC 2, whose ratings went far beyond just those people that didn’t have anything better to do on a Sunday night.

But since Evans and Matt the White took the reigns, things have taken a rather sour turn – like a once well-respected member of the parish staggering around the local with his cock hanging out.

Furious viewers have blamed everything from Evans to a lack of Jeremy Clarkson and from Le White’s language barrier to Jeremy Corbyn for the faltering ratings, but the show’s makers have finally decided enough is enough and are to banish Evans back to the soulless netherworld of Radio 2.

“He’s not just not working out”, one BBC insider had to say. “The guy’s just a prick. The writing’s been on the wall for a while. Especially in the gents and the rumour about him with the sheep”.

Gingernut has lamented that if he were to leave the show, he would like to go out the way Jeremy Clarkson did  – by whacking one of the show’s officials.

In offer to accomplish this, Evans has been consistently asking for a 3 course meals well into the early hours, banging on about lazy Mexicans, and generally being even more of an arsehole than usual.

“I will finally get to thump one of these twats before they give me my P45, you mark my words”, said Evans in a swish of strawberry blonde hair.