New Chancellor of the Exchequor, Phillip Hammond, has revealed his long-term strategy to save the country money – beginning with begging recent UK Euromillons winner for help.
The still un-named claimant won Friday night’s jackpot of over £60 million, becoming instantly richer than most of the NHS in the process.
And the victory did not go un-noticed in Whitehall as scrounger Hammond is believed to have already made contact with his mysterious benefactor.
“I just thought we needed a larger investment from the public to be able to pump money back into public services”, said Mr Hammond, explaining the decision.
“So really they’ll be getting their money back in the form of an actual bed at a hospital, or maybe getting their kid some lunch at school. The possibilities are endless.”
The ownerr of the Euromillions ticket has yet to come forward to collect their winnings is believed to have told Hammond to “fuck off”.