As the British summer continues with a record breaking 3rd day without rain the public have been sent into a panic due to a national shortage of everyone’s favourite summer time treat, the Calippo.
Calippo manufacture Walls released this statement:
“We know everyone loves Calippos, men, women, children. For some reason, they are especially popular for men who like to watch women eat them. But this year we were not expecting there to be any kind of summer. We were pretty much expecting the usual British 3 seasons of Autumn, Winter and Less-winter. However in recent days temperatures have soared and we can’t keep up with demand. Bear with us and you’ll be slurping that syrupy bit out the bottom (everyone’s favourite bit, am I right?) in no time.”
A spokes person for major supermarket chain Tesco told BFNN today:
“No, no, no, let’s get one thing clear, there is no shortage of Calippos so long as everyone shops responsibly. We are simply limiting customers to 2 boxes each to avoid panic buying and so that there will be enough to go around. We ask everyone to remain calm and think of others as the buy Calippos”
However the experiences of one shopper, Sandra 34 from Wigan, were very different.
“Oh, it was shocking. You got to the freezers and there was just nothing there. And it wasn’t just Calippos either. No Magnums, No Screwballs, No Twisters, nothing. I saw two grown women fighting over a box of FABs. All there was left was a couple of boxes of Mini-Milks, but I thought I’m not having them. What am I an animal? I’ve still got some dignity.”