Courtroom botherer Ched Evans has signed for Chesterfield FC today, with part of his contract a promise that he will always ask for opposition goalie’s consent before banging one in the box.

I don’t want to get in trouble again” said the ex-Sheffield United player “so I’m going to make sure the defences I play against have given their proper permission to be penetrated by my ball skills and positional expertise.”

The wags of Chesterfield are thrilled to hear that Ched will be coming to the town, with several looking forward to witnessing his scoring record first-hand. As usual, Ched’s brother will be filming all the action from the sidelines on his smartphone.

I wish we could have signed him” said a Millwall FC coach “but he’s just not racist enough, being a convicted rapist is pretty good I guess, but you need something extra at this club.

Reports say Nile Ranger and Marlon King will be out dropping rohypnol in unattended drinks across the bars and clubs of Chesterfield in the hope that they can get contracts at the club too.