The Chilcot Inquiry came to a close today with the publication of its final report and it pulled no punches when it said who was responsible for loss of life in the small nation of Derka Derkastan

The 1500 page document points the blame firmly in the direction of Team America and their actions which set off a chain reaction that resulted in war.

The report surmises that had Team America not had a presence in Paris, France the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomph and the Louvre would not have been destroyed and war could have been avoided.

The actions of Team America were initially reported as a success following the take-down of Kim Jong-il in North Korea, ending his plot to destroy all major world cities with WMDs. The report goes into much of detail explaining Kim Jong-il’s reasons for wanting to destroy western civilisation: He was vewy vewy ronery”

However the Chilcot report is very clear that the losses of life in Paris, Cairo, the Panama Canal and most of all Derka Derkastan were too high and Team America should take responsibility for those deaths. It is unclear at this stage what form this responsibility will take, though one hypothetical solution laid out in the report is Team America standing trial at the Hague.

When BFNN reached out to Team America for comment on the report the response was “America, F*** yeah!” (Then the phone was slammed down)