Veteran broadcaster Clement Freud has been accused of molesting two young girls in his care. The as-yet unproved accusation comes years after Freud’s death, with the alleged victim stating “she wants to spread as much mad shit as possible” before her own demise.
“He took me into his home to look after me when my parents relationship broke down” explained the accuser “and when no was around he would do terrible thing. He would put Frédéric Chopin’s piano Waltz in D flat major on the gramophone and invite some of his friends round, usually Nicholas Parsons, Gyles Brandreth and Paul Merton. Sometimes less funny comedians who shouldn’t even be there. They would patronise some dolly-bird by giving her a whistle and then take turns on me without hesitation, deviation or repetition. The lady would blow the whistle every time Paul Merton said something wry and amusing, even though the rules say you shouldn’t repeat things and he repeats the same jokes every week”.
“His legacy is complete” said a BBC spokesman earlier today “we felt sorry for Clement, working at the Beeb for all those years in the 70s without a single molestation accusation – something was obviously wrong. Now he’s got his own embarrassing court case just like our other big names of the recent past”
Freud’s family are not strangers to controversy; his Grandfather Sigmund was a psychotherapist, pioneering ideas about the Oedipus and Electra complex, the unconscious mind and penis envy. His brother Lucian was an artist, specialising in painting lumpy faces, the Queen and penises. Another relative David was a Tory MP and his son Stefan played up front for Spurs.