Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has promised that he will make a ritualistic sacrifice of Shadow Home Secretary Diane Abbott live on television, if he is successful on the 8th June.
With what is the latest in a long line of pre-election promises, after a rise in minimum wage, a further 18 bank holidays and a ban on hentai porn, Corbyn hopes to demonstrate his dedication to the electorate by slaughtering the dithering misfit on national TV.
The statement has already prompted a significant swing towards Labour in political favour, with Abbott herself predicting a net Labour gain of over 13,000 seats.
Should the Labour Party triumph over Lady Voldemort and her band of NHS-Death Eaters, it is predicted that the service shall be shown in grissly detail on the weekend following the election. ITN producers are already bidding on a side-a-long with Britain’s Got Talent.
The Election outcome waits to be seen but if Abbott’s interviews are anything to go by then it is clear to see that she is not one for being shy of throwing herself on her own sword.