The Prime Minister announced today in parliament that he will personally oversee a new initiative to teach the homeless population of London how to catch and cook street pigeons.

Amidst chuckles from the Tory backbenches, Mr Cameron said he intended to “Kill two birds with one stone.” After revealing his new scheme to feed to growing homeless population in the capital. The program is set to be rolled out in the coming months, with Mr Cameron suggesting that if it is successful it could be expanded to include newly arrived immigrants and those on benefits.

“As the old saying goes, give a man a pigeon and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to kill and cook vermin, and he’ll provide you with free pest control.”

The move has been roundly condemned by animal rights groups, as well as homeless charities across the country. Boris Johnson hit back at critics, saying “I had some pigeon that our gamekeeper had prepared just a few weeks ago. It was lovely. I daresay we should be jealous of them, lucky buggers.”

— Tom Ross