Part-time teacher and failed musician, Dewey Finn, is to be brought before the high court to answer historical charges of forced child labour, abduction and impersonating a teacher for events that took place back in 2003.
Records show that Finn was unemployed and kicked out of his own band when he saw an opportunity to moonlight as a music teacher to a class of elementary school children – an offer that was meant to be for his flatmate Ned Schneebly.
Finn took on the moniker of Ned and gained entry to the classroom where he brainwashed the 12 year olds with his own brand of drug-enthused tuition, teaching the young sprogs that “meth is a wonderful thing”.
Not content with turning his new pipsqueak class into junkies, Finn set about revamping the classroom into a Vietnamese sweatshop by forcing the kids to pick up instruments and not put them down again until their fingers bled.
“He gave me a guitar and told me to learn this tune”, said Zack, one of the children subjected to Dewey’s teachings. “It was a terrible song, something about not paying rent on time. But when I couldn’t get it right he would get angry. He’d start banging his fists on the chalkboard and threatening to eat two of the smaller children. It was scary”.
One of the girls, also in the class, told us how Dewey threatened to extract the strings from her cello, run them through her and turn her into a bass guitar.
Finn is further charged with taking the class in his van to a battle of the bands concert without parental consent. The PTA are currently investigating the highly rated elementary school as to how they let a class of 30 kids to leave the school without any notice.