This is the sensational news that long-time Oscars reject, Leonardo DiCaprio, has lost out to an inanimate carbon rod in the category for Best Actor.
The rod is a newcomer to the silver screen but has swept all before him for his film ‘Being an Inanimate Carbon Rod’ and has taken the seat that everybody had reserved for Leonardo.
DiCaprio, of Shutter Island, Titanic and Seeing Kate Winslet’s Tits Before It Was Cool fame, has always nurtured a not-so-secret desire for the elusive award.
But while his latest film, The Revenant, had been expected to land him the accolade he so desperately craves, the charismatic carbon rod has forged an exciting new path in cinema by scooping the prize.
DiCaprio has been unavailable for comment since the ceremony but a source close to the star said he is extremely disappointed to have lost out to a star with less screen presence than Ben Affleck.
BFNN were also unable to secure a soundbyte from the winner on account of it being both inanimate and a carbon rod.