America is reeling today after a leaked email has revealed that Donald Trump’s DNA tests prove that he is the son of Jamie and Cerci Lannister.
Earlier this year, Trump boasted that he could trace his ancestry all the way back to Adam and Eve; the world’s first and most popular Caucasians. However, his DNA also matched with the Lannisters of Casterly Rock, with a 99% probability that he is the firstborn son of the incest enthusiasts.
Many people already believed that Trump is a result of direct relatives mucking around with each other, but are still shocked by his parentage.
“It all makes sense.” commented one theorist, “He has bloodlust, a ridiculous sense of entitlement, a selfish willingness to let society collapse around him, a face like Sloth from the Goonies, and an uncomfortable fondness for his own daughter. How we didn’t clock on sooner is beyond me”.
This morning Trump spoke about the results in an interview, “ It’s a great result, a fantastic result. Blonde hair? We love blonde hair. Look at my sons, strong and awesome sons, who needs chins? The Mexican wildlings do. They want…they have wild and prominent chins and will infect your children with chins. I will build a wall to keep them out and will send all of societies bastards to defend it. I’m not paying my debts though.”
Following the revelation, other famous twats have come forward to admit that they too are the children of the hot-blooded couple, including Boris Johnson, Katie Hopkins and drooling gobshite Jamie Oliver.