Potential blockbuster “Finding Dory” has been withdrawn from general release after the main star’s broken body was found MASHED into a can of imported Chinese tuna.
Bodybuilder Andy Webster from Manchester made the grisly discovery after he popped into an Asian supermarket to pick up some tinned tuna for his post-gym lunch.
“I peeled open the lid and she was just there, coiled around some other grey shit that was supposed to be tuna. The expression on her face was heartbreaking, like she hadn’t the faintest clue how she’d got there. I just stared at her, tears slowly rolling down my chiselled cheeks before dripping onto my perky bronzed pectorals.
Private security guards are now keeping watch throughout Shanghai Disney after the latest murder, as it has emerged that several other Disney characters have met a sticky end at the hands of the Chinese:
Four out of eight of Lady and the Tramp’s puppies ended up fetching top dollar at the Yulin Dog meat festival.
Dumbo was shot down over Chinese air space, his body never recovered
Several stars from A Bugs Life were covered in five spice and honey, impaled on a skewer and barbecued by a street vendor
The Chinese have so far refused to comment