Incredible scenes last night, as Leicester City FC didn’t play football, yet still won the league.

Celebrations ran through the night with much dancing, singing and of course drinking. Grown men were seen hugging and crying as the reality of 5000 to 1 ‘no hope-ers’ Leicester won the Premier League. (Football being the only time it is socially acceptable for heterosexual males to cry and/or hug in public)

As dawn on the morning-after rises, however, there is a much quieter mood across the East-Midlands city. Record breaking numbers of people have phoned in work sick, all stating symptoms that closely match those of a hangover. Shops, business even public sector instructions like schools and hospitals are having to close for the day due to mass-hangover.

Leicester’s most famous son, Gary Linker tweeted this morning:
“Please, someone, feed me crisps…..crisps…any flavour…..need crisps!!!”

Star striker Jamie Vardy took to twitter following the players party at his house: “Pretty sure my blood is now 90% Blue WKD, training can do one today”

Due to the mass hangover Leicester’s mayor Peter Soulsby released a public safety announcement on the front page of local paper Leicester Mercury:

“Yesterday was a proud day for the great city of Leicester. However today, due to so many staff calling in sick, we have to declare a city wide state of emergency and urge everyone to stay in their homes. Please, for your own safety, stay home, eat bacon sandwiches, drink loads of Dr Pepper and watch some trashy movies on Netflix.”

Chris Cole