It has emerged today that the nation is incredibly jealous of wealthy businessmen and politicians smart enough to navigate their earnings through a complex network of offshore companies to avoid paying tax.

A major “leak” of sensitive documents has exposed what every sane person in the country knows already: people with excellent accounting strategies pay less tax overall, legally, mostly through no fault of their own.

This apparently damning news has weighed heavy on the shoulders of those who would have done exactly the same thing if they had the same resources available to themselves.

Jeremy Corbyn had this to say: “I wish I had a decent accountant.”