It has been revealed today that David Cameron is planning a spectacular and inspiring response to Corbyn’s next mild grilling at Prime Minister’s Questions.
Sources have revealed that when the subject of tax loopholes inevitably arises, Cameron will gracefully come to his feet, stare fixedly at an area somewhere over Corbyn’s left ear and firmly state that he is innocent of all wrongdoing.
Then he will extend his arms and slowly begin turning around, picking up speed until his pants suddenly and dramatically whoosh into flames, creating a spectacular display of dignity and power. The pants will burn fiercely for a short while until they disappear entirely, leaving the magically unscathed PM wearing some kind of shiny jeggings, and successfully ending all further discussion about whether the Tories are fit to govern the country.
The pants on fire, or “Pyro-Pants” have been designed by Samantha Cameron’s indispensable £53,000 per-year fashion advisor, Rosie Lyburn.
Critics have been quick to criticise the pant’s £25,000 price tag, but insiders claim that Cameron has assured them that it is “money well spent” and “will take everyone’s mind of the cost of those pointless, needy Pro-EU Leaflets.”