A number of French people raised their familiar white flag this Sunday evening after a booming laugh came floating over the channel disturbing their weekend of intense French pretension.
A petition gathered by the French minister cited Jeremy Clarkson’s home in Chipping Norton, Oxfordshire as “ground zero” of the noise which has broke world records for the loudest laugh on record.
It measured 130 decibels, which is louder than a jet aircraft and Maria Sharapova enjoying a night with Ron Jeremy.
Upon investigation, it was discovered that Clarkson had been watching the BBC’s new bullshit version of Top Gear – the very same programme Clarkson was sacked from last March after getting fist happy with a producer.
Sunday’s episode has already been rated as the worst ever in the show’s history – narrowly beating that episode where Richard Hammond gets lost searching for his own talent and purpose.
Jeremy Clarkson – whose new and infinitely richer version of Top Gear is currently in production by Amazon Prime – is believed to have stopped cursing the EU just long enough to watch the new show, and almost tore apart his diaphragm laughing so loudly at the clunky Evans-Le Blanc partnership, the terribly awkward banter and the overall budgetary feel of a show shat out by a company attempting to cut corners and costs:
A BBC insider already let slip they were 50/50 on whether or not to show that episode of Friends where Joey waxes a Porsche for an hour and see if anybody noticed.
We caught up with Clarkson for his reaction after Sunday’s episode and he described it as “the only wank to ever escape a sock”.