Following the death of famous author and ex drug-smuggler Mark Hands, also known as Mr Nice, it appears God is sending a very clear message, warns Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby.

“No more Mr Nice Guy, he’s saying,” warns Welby, “He may well be taking us back to brutal old testament times. Now is the time to start coming to church.”

Mr Nice started drug smuggling after graduating from Oxford with a degree in Physics. After having spent some time in American prison, he rose to fame with his autobiography “Mr Nice.”

Since then, he has become something of a cult legend, appearing in films such as Human Traffic and popular quiz show Never Mind The Buzzcocks.

Prominent atheist, Richard Dawkins, called it all “a load of rubbish. Everyone should buy my books.”