After the news this week that Kinder Eggs have gone all Breaking Bad by deciding to house popular past-time crystal meth within its cheap plastic walls, fellow German confectionary brethren, Haribo are set to lower the bar by announcing a special “Harambe” edition of chewy delectation.
“Too soon!“, came cries from angry lefties who’d prefer the cuddly gorilla’s corpse went cold before Capitalism took post-mortem advantage.
Harambe was the Cincinnati Zoo gorilla that briefly found fame by having a young boy fall into his enclosure before getting shot for viciously standing near to the child. Like Chico (of Chico Time stardom) his star burnt bright for a short time and, perhaps callously, Haribo see there being no better time to preserve his image in jelly and gum.
“‘Harambe’ is the name on everyone’s lips at the moment“, said Haribo representative Helmut Schlurp. “He died doing what he loved, standing idle in a zoo, and we feel people really connected with the gorilla, and certainly by the outrage and outpouring of sympathy for the fallen valiant we can tell the public is desperate for more Harambe to chew on“.
But Schlurp’s prediction for overwhelming support for Haribo Harambe may be a little premature.
Spokesthing for angry fur deniers, PETA, said “This is yet another disgusting example of degrading animal exploitation. We’re not content just eating them and taking their pelts and their furs – now we want to melt them into jelly and feed them to our children. Are we really any better than cannibals?“.
Whether the announcement goes ahead in the face of public backlash, Haribo have certainly already left a sour taste in everybody’s mouth