Schools across the nation are welcoming back their P.E. teachers as Team GB return from the Rio Olympics to a drizzly UK.

“We always saw Mr Farah running to school in the mornings” said Lee Davidson, one of the higher ranking bullies at St Marks Comprehensive School “but we didn’t realise he was training for some race thing, we just thought he couldn’t afford the bus fare on a teacher’s salary”

Hockey star Lily Owsley, who won a gold medal in Brazil is looking forward to returning home to her teaching post and may now even be trusted with coaching the school year 10 hockey team.

“Things are really going to change for me” said Owsley as she boarded her plane for Heathrow “now that I’ve got a gold medal the headmaster might let me run the after-school netball team too, the sky is the limit”

Long jumper Greg Rutherford will not be returning to the UK to teach P.E. today as all employers agree that long jump is not a real sport.