A nameless vagrant, currently residing at Under The Cash Machine, Outside the Train Station, Leicester, has made news this week for selling a record number of The Big Issue, over a 7 day period.

The Big Issue is known as the bum rag middle class people buy in order to make themselves feel more smug about their own lives, and usually retails in all good vendors at around £1.

But the mag remains widely unsold due to the stigma of having to engage with people of a much lower class than yourself, so the extraordinary sales record of Homeless Man #143 is an exemplary model for his peers to follow.

Finalised sales have not been tallied but it is believed the nomadic entrepreneur has made somewhere in the region of £11 just since the 12th of February – and a whopping £39 for the entire month.

How he is so much more successful than his fellow sellers isn’t clear, but it is believed the man does not market the mag as containing any content of interest whatsoever, but instead advocates its usages elsewhere – for instance one woman invested her £1 as a baton for swatting away other beggars, while a man bought TBE as a sheath for his Valentine’s flowers.

After tax, #143’s profits are around £8.50 – enough for a 4 pack of Special Brew and a quick visit to Leicester Train Stations’ luxurious shitter.