The government has formally announced that they will be scrapping The Human Rights Act in wake of the Brexit vote. This has been on the Conservative manifesto since 2010 and the original plan suggested the Act would be replaced with “A British Bill of Rights”. In a bizarre twist of events however, it has been revealed that instead the Human Rights Act will be replaced with “Fabulously Fox’s Biscuit Selection”.

“Fox’s biscuits have long protected the British people’s Christmas tea breaks and as such it seems fitting that they now take on the responsibility of what little rights we leave for citizens of the UK.” Says Liz Truss Justice Secretary, who can no longer guarantee protection against slavery but can guarantee a delicious ring shaped biscuit covered in chocolate.

In the Conservative policy making department (Aptly nicknamed George Orwell’s worst nightmare) ideas are being tossed around of completely stripping down Scottish devolution for some Highland shortbreads and knocking down the Welsh Assembly in liaison of some well deserved Welsh cakes.

One unforeseen result of this change, is the prospect of a new form of clean energy. Experts believe they can harness the power of dystopian fiction writers turning in their graves in order to produce “clean” power. (Clean in a relative sense of the word)

Human rights campaigners have long opposed the scrapping of the HRA on the grounds of… Well… Fill in the blanks, you’re an educated reader I’m sure. When asked about whether the British public’s right to privacy would be respected, Conservative MP’s collectively responded with a resounding “Pffft…” as though they were all speaking of the same mind.

– Joseph Kerr