Detectives from HMRC have been seen leaving the Cameron residence with a bulging, spooge-covered piggy bank, believed to belong to the PM.

After a torrid week for PM David Cameron, the intense media attention shows no signs of easing after the aforementioned item was removed by investigators. The pink, slimy, china-faced swine could be in for further turmoil if the piggy bank is found contain any funds which haven’t been declared on his tax returns. Furthermore, ejaculating on the queen, constitutes a criminal offence (unless you’re Prince Philip), and may result in a custodial sentence, or ideally, capital punishment.

The detectives were authorised to search the Downing Street premises in order to find evidence linking the PM to the Panama Paper scandal and his activity with the Blairmore investment fund. Instead, they appear to have recovered clear evidence of both the PM illegally sequestering coinage and his weird, insidious fetish for shoving his genitalia into dead pigs or pig-related objects.

Speaking about the allegations, Chancellor and life-long cunt George Osbourne said he was ‘shocked and surprised’ that Mr Cameron had chosen to hoard money in such a ‘primitive and outdated manner’. He also recommended that the PM should stow his money in the Jersey Isles instead.

Spokespeople for Mr Cameron have been quick to quash any allegations of wrongdoing by the PM, saying that ‘Mr Cameron doesn’t avoid tax, he only evades tax’.