London has once again been rocked by a terror attack on the Tube, this time in the form of a “really bad fart” on the Bakerloo Line earlier today.
The incident reportedly happened at 8:42 am, during rush hour, and has since been claimed by ISIS.
According to eyewitnesses, the gas attack “cleared the whole carriage” in a matter of minutes and left dozens of people “holding their breath and gagging”.
“It was absolutely disgusting,” claimed Mike Ellison, who was on his way to work when terror struck. “I’ve never smelled a trump like it before. Honestly, it was like someone had sat on my lip and took a shit directly into my mouth. I thought I was going to die. Luckily we pulled into Kilburn Park and the doors opened and let some fresh air in.”
“There was a lot of finger pointing going on in the aftermath, everyone had an idea about who done it but nobody could tell for sure,” continued Ellison. “I’m pretty sure it was an old guy who got off at Queen’s Park, he was eating a scotch egg and looked like a right smelly little cunt, so it must have been him.”
According to Scotland Yard sources, Metropolitan Police are now investigating CCTV footage and are actively tracking a number of suspects.
BFNN spoke to Chief Superintendent Harry Bourke, “We are currently following a number of clear lines of inquiry, we can’t be sure if whoever smelled it dealt it or if it was a case of fart and run. At the moment, our number one objective is to find out whether the farter acted alone or is part of a larger farting cell.”
Moments after the incident was reported, ISIS claimed responsibility for the attack via video link, issuing “a fartwa” on all underground travel.