MI6’s most well known secret agent, James Bond, has been suspended from the organisation pending charges relating to gross misconduct.
Serial murderer and rodgerer, Bond, was given the boot last week after a series of petty misdemeanours led to him violating the terms of his contract with the anti-terror group.
At the Christmas party in December, he was caught photocopying and e-mailing pictures of his arse to M (real name Judi Dench) with the caption “For Your Eyes Only“.
Later, in February, he left a series of drunken voicemails on Angela Merkel’s personal mobile, leading to the German Chancellor threatening to give Britain the boot from the EU.
But Bond’s latest gaffe seems to have landed himself in a pool of hot water where even indiscriminately shooting bad guys/civilians or being so productively penile that Russell Brand would wince, couldn’t get him.
After a period of ill-advised gambling left the agent virtually broke, Bond stole the accrued monies from the MI6 Lottery Fund, and bought a large number of tickets – eventually striking the Thunderball in one game and winning £200,000.
Knew he had been caught with his hand in the till, Bond issued a couple tweets before he could be officially dismissed, saying:
“@MI6Official, well looks like I’ve been caught Goldfingered. Got nothing more to say, been great to work with such a bunch of boring suits. (1/2)
“(2/2) but now it appears my Licence to Kill has been revoked. Keep strong peeps #YOLT (You Only Live Twice)”