Following his overwhelming defeat in a confidence vote, avid Game of Thrones fan Jeremy Corbyn has decided that he shall determine his position as leader through the ancient practice of trial by combat.
Corbyn’s position as leader of the labour party has been divisive amongst Labour MPs since he was elected and following the UK’s decision to leave the EU and several high profile resignations his leadership is being called into question.

It was initially anticipated that another election for the position of Labour leader would be called but in a maverick move Corbyn announced that he would determine his fate through a trial by combat.
Jeremy suggested in a recent interview that his decision has been prompted by the recent season finale of Game of Thrones. “It really got me in the mood for a fight. I’m throwing down the gauntlet and the tie is coming off. Tell the Shadow Cabinet that Jeremy sends his regards.”
It is not yet known whether Corbyn himself will participate in the trial, or whether he will select a champion. It is speculated that John ‘Mad Dog’ McDonnell will be Corbyn’s chosen champion following his recent political defence on Jeremy’s behalf.

Labour MPs have yet to select a challenger to Corbyn in this trial, although several candidates have stepped forward including: Chukka ‘The Pain’ Ummuna, Tom ‘Big Daddy’ Watson and Yvette Cooper.
When approached for comment, Tony Blair stated: ‘I don’t care who wins the trial so long as the victor invades Iraq as their first act.’

 

  • Luke Burgoyne