Unemployable mothers – the kind you see with more pushchairs than teeth – have voted low-budget street retailers Home Bargains ‘Best Value Day Out’ – narrowly beating competition from An Hour on The Sunbed and Raging at The Baby Daddy Over Facebook.
“Full-time mummies” as they prefer to be known, since it detracts from the fact that they have fewer employment prospects than a mop in a hat, eschewed traditional day-wasters such as famous leg maiming, thrill-inducer Alton Towers on the grounds that admission for a party of 5 costs more than the weekly ESA they receive for the bad back they suffered with 3 years ago, while trips to the zoo were similarly omitted for fear of encountering too many ex-lovers.
Which means that Home Bargains grabbed the top spot in 2015 for the first time as B & M upped their prices and forced many of their child-laden customers to leave.
Founded in 1976, Home Bargains became famous for making it possible to complete a week’s shop on the money you find on the way to the store, and proudly boasts offering “top brands and bargain prices” which indicates selling one canister of Lynx Africa for £3.00 and 34 shelves of budget pesticide labelled as antiperspirant for 40p.
But whatever the foibles of Home Bargains may be, their popularity has certainly soared, with buggy-pushers flocking in their droves to experience the thrill of a place able to sell hair straighteners, discount bleach and a hard plastic Olly Murs action figure for less than a fiver. One mother described the place to us as “Quality” in between mouthfuls of doughnut.