Famed ball-kicker John Terry has signed a 12-month contract extension allowing him to remain in the beds of his Chelsea FC colleagues’ wives and girlfriends.
Terry (35) was rumoured to be considering a move across the pond, in order to forge a few extra-marital relations Stateside.
But after much speculation, Terry has confirmed his heart, as well as his dick, belongs in Chelsea (also the name of one of the U21 WaGs)
An agreement was reached with the players’ wives for Terry to remain at the Club to continue his dick-happy ways – and play a bit of football on the side – until the end of the 2016-17 season.
The Chelsea captain had this to say:
“With much erectile joy, I’d like to announce that I WILL be remaining at Chelsea Football Club for another season. We have the greatest fans and the fittest clunge around so I don’t see why I would move anywhere else. You seen Costa’s missus? If he can get that then there’s no telling what a chimp-looking twat like me can get my end away with”
Terry also put an end to rumours of a future move to Spain by saying:
“All the Spanish lads (not Costa) are really good looking so a pasty sod like me isn’t going to get very far. English girls have low standards. I’m set for life here“.
Terry’s agent praised the decision to stay at the Club, highlighting him as a strong and positive influence for the younger players to look up to
“He’s a very good leader and a good defender, and if from time to time he wants to put Little John into someone that isn’t his own wife, I don’t see the problem“.