Boris Johnson, British Foreign Secretary is reportedly “Open to trade deals” with Mordor.

In the aftermath of the European Union Referendum, Johnson was appointed as Foreign Secretary and now one of his biggest hurdles to overcome is securing trade deals with other nations should Britain is no longer be a member state of the European Union.

This could prove difficult as Boris is not typically seen as an expert negotiator. It is perhaps in an act of desperation that on behalf of Great Britain, Boris Johnson has opened trade talks with the Independent Kingdom of Mordor. The leader of this infamous nation, The Dark Lord Sauron and Servant of Morgoth has responded with open arms formally inviting Boris to Barad-Dur in Mordor.

Amongst the discussions it was revealed that along with free trade, defence contracts are also on the table including the purchase of 15 Olog-Hai Attack Trolls from Mordor. In future this could also evolve into a Mutual Defense Pact between Great Britain, Mordor, Rhun and Isengard.

Critics of the deal have raised concerns about Mordor’s numerous human rights abuses referencing Sauron’s attempts to subjugate the Elven Race and following war with the goal of destroying mankind in the Second Age. The official response from the government is “If we can overlook it in China, we can overlook it in Mordor.”

When asked about his opinion on the possibilities that British – Orc relations could present, Gothmog, Lieutenant of Minas Morgul said “The age of Europe is over, the age of Britain has begun.”

– Joseph Kerr