Grand Dragon and 1984 Miss Pyongyang, Kim Jong Un has lavished Olympic champion Usain Bolt with praise, proclaiming him the “pride of North Korea”.
Bolt already has the Men’s 100m and 200m golds under his belt and the 4x 100 relay to come, most are predicting for him to add to his medal haul again.
Well known for being the fastest man alive, Bolt even found time to film a Virgin Media commercial while walking his way to Olympic glory during the 100m final, a feat which has grabbed the attention of the great leader.
A source close to Un found time to speak to us whilst his family was held at gunpoint by North Korean stormtroopers.
“Usain Bolt has brought great achievement for great state of Korea (fuck the South) and we are proud to call him one of our own. He ran very fast for us and did it all for our great country. We love him very much
Bolt is the latest in a long line of great Olympians to come out of North Korea, after Eddie the Eagle, Torville and Dean, and the entire bobsleigh team from Cool Runnings. Including John Candy.