Donald Trump’s ascent to the position of President of the United States has once again attracted controversy after his plans to gut the White House and make it “fit for a king” were leaked to the press yesterday.

His plans include building a crazy golf course on the White House lawn, converting the Director of the FBI’s office into a tanning salon and luxury spa and converting the basement into a great, great, really awesome Hooters bar.

As a self-confessed “germaphobe” he has of course been particularly keen to get his private bathroom just the way he likes it, submitting a four page plan to the decorators to be followed to the letter.

The instructions read: “I want a marble bathtub big enough for ten people because I’m claustrophobic. It’s just for me though. And I want a golden shower, those things are great. Nothing makes me feel more dirty yet powerful than getting my head under one of those. Oh, and you should probably build a secret passage from my bathroom to the Hooters Bar. Just in case I need to escape from some terrorists or rapey Mexicans you know? Definitely not so that a trio of naive young waitresses can get into my bathroom without that wrinkly old boiler Melania seeing me.”

Trump’s nerdy friend Nigel Farage has expressed his excitement about Trump’s ambitious plans. “Donald has already let me have a go in his fancy gold elevator and he promised me I could use his special shower if I let him dress me up in a Union Jack flag and urinate on me first. I’m sure he was kidding about that bit of course, we’re bestest friends, not like that bully Obama. If I had to choose between them I’d take The D anytime.”