Danny Williams, a man with a badly-drawn 4 inch python on his face, is adamant that his inability to find sustainable work beyond drug-dealing is due to the discrimination in society rather than down to his own dumb choices.

The 26 year old, living in South Wales has not been able to hold down a steady job since he turned 21 – coincidentally the same year he decided to decorate his face with a snake closely resembling a small circumcised dick, and believes he is favoured against for his ‘alternative’ lifestyle, in particular at interviews. He had this to say:

“I was inspired by Mike Tyson to get something in a very striking place, so that when people see me they instantly know what they’re dealing with. Once you skip out all the rapey parts of his life he’s actually quite a smart bloke.”

“But this tattoo has been a curse to me cos I simply can’t find a job. People see me at interviews and they instantly judge me as someone i’m not because of the ink. Society makes people believe that we who have tattoos are heavily involved with drugs and, well I am, but they don’t know that.”

But rather than face the fact that his terrible taste in body art has resulted in all the job prospects of a soiled cabbage, Mr Williams is positive that it’s society that has it wrong.

“Whether it’s Harrods or Cash Converters I work for there’s still going to be discrimination against me because of my own personal life choices. A face tattoo does not prevent me from selling battered, second-hand toasters so I really don’t see the problem.”

Former CEO of dissolved retailer BHS explained the difficulties of hiring someone with pronounced face art – after begging us for change.

“While we can see that sometimes it’s not their fault – some of these people were ignored as children and want attention – I can perfectly understand why customers would feel uneasy in this situation. If a woman with a tattooed face served me my food in a restaurant i’d have to wipe my feet on the way out”