The beginning of 2017 has been very exciting for veteran actress Meryl Streep, as a close source has revealed that she was thrilled to have received an anonymous invitation to visit famous disciplinary holiday resort Guantanamo Bay.

Coming hot on the heels of her acceptance of a Golden Globe, the invitation was hand delivered through a window in the early hours of the morning by a toothless caucasian man wearing a red baseball hat, who then self-destructed in a patriotic and absolutely non-terroristy kind of way.

The gold plated invitation read:

Dear Meryl Streep,

You are invited to visit Guantanamo Bay to take a look at the great, great, awesome work that takes place there because you’re a great actress and a big winner. You’re a great, big, interfering, winner bitch. You have my word that we’re not torturing anyone and even if we are it’s none of your goddam business you overrated, ugly old she-bear.

Anyway, please come and advise us on how we can further improve the quality of life for our residents.


(This is not a trap).

Since Ms Streep left for Guantanamo Bay friends and family have been unable to contact her and have notified the authorities. Police have stated that the invitation has been dusted for fingerprints and that judging by their residue and size they are looking for a fat, sweaty child.

It is believed that the same unstable infant is responsible for a gold-plated note that was delivered to Susan Sarandon earlier this year, just after she wore a tuxedo over a bra to the SAG awards. That note simply said; “You’re old as hell but I still fancy you and that’s sick. Have some self respect.”

More news as it comes in.