Because nobody of note has died today, or yesterday, it seems like a slow news week compared to the action packed events of January where it seemed everyone was ready to cop it at the drop of a hat. Now we are firmly in February and the most pressing news story so far is that David Cameron’s mum has signed a petition protesting against his austerity programme.

How awkward for the PM, not just because after 6 years she has publicly taken a stance against his politics, just… things are a bit embarrassing when your mum is involved, aren’t they? She might as well have shouted at him in the voice of Brian’s mum from the Monty Python film, from another room whilst he’s trying to deliver a press conference: “David William Donald Cameron, someone wants to have a word with you! And I mean right now, Mr.”

David scuttles into the room and his mother is there looking very disapproving.

“David, this man,” and she points to a man (who for the sake of laboured metaphor represents working people), “he says you and your friends have been messing around and causing him unnecessary distress. Now, I don’t care whether you’ve been playing football outside his house or dismantling the NHS, undermining teachers, bullying unions and savagely attacking the most vulnerable in society, but I want you to stop right now, do you hear me?”

“He says you keep blaming it on that other boy, you know, the nice one – Jeremy, is it?”

David tries to protest, “I only wanted to…” but it’s too late, his mum has slightly tilted her head to the right and her eyes look ready to burst out of her face. David stops.

“Now, what do you say David? What do you say? Say it to the man.”

David looks up from the floor to the man (who still represents working people), and just as he’s about to deliver an apology he notices that his mates Osborne, Duncan-Smith and Theresa are all there laughing at him through the window. He knows he can’t do anything because it’s his mum. He says sorry.

“Say it like you mean it David!”

“I’m sorry Mr. Working-people.”

None of this happened – obviously.

Mum knows best: David Cameron's mum doesn't like his politics. Click To Tweet