A criminally innocent young woman has joined popular cock-hopping app Tinder in order to forge platonic relationships, in a move which has left her social circle bewildered.

After moving to a new city, 20 year old Stacie Bulimia found herself without friendly stimulation, after leaving much of her life behind, so decided to take to social media to liven up her dull existence.

However, Facebook and Instagram searches proved fruitless, so closeted young Stacie ploughed further fields (ahem) in her quest for friends.

“I’d heard alot of my mates say they’d met a load of nice people on Tinder” Stacie told us with her mother’s milk still wet on her chin (atleast that’s what we hope it was)

“I thought i’d see what it was all about and I wondered if I could meet my new besties on there. 5 guys asked me for titty pics before I realised it was a dating site”.

Slighty perturbed but not completely discouraged, Stacie persevered and asked her new found suitors generic get-to-know-you questions such as “where are you from?” and “what are your hobbies?”:

“All I used to get back was ‘show us your tits’. When I tried to explain to them I was there to make friends they would either not respond or see me as a challenge and offer me dick pics. It’s all quite distressing”.

Stacie has now quit Tinder but has been told there is plenty more fish in the sea. Which incidentally is the site she is trying next.