Fans of dragon-and-nipple fest Game of Thrones were left feeling cheated last night as the latest episode contains no original material.
Producers couldn’t get any new content out of slow-paced writer George R. R. Martin so instead just spliced together some Lord of the Rings fight sequences with some of the racier moments of Channel 4’s Hollyoaks After Dark.
“We’ve actually been doing this for a while” said director Brian Kirk “we just use existing shots of Gimli when Peter Dinklage isn’t free, our fans are too busy fapping themselves silly over Khalessi’s boobies to notice the difference”
Fans are also upset to see that the tit to dick ratio in the show has been turned on its head after pressure from feminist groups, the new episode makes viewers wait 12 whole minutes before a naked breast is glimpsed – in which time 6 different schlongs have been revealed.
“Its political correctness gone mad” said Alan Porky from the Council of Television Masturbators “I just want to see brothels full of impossibly beautiful young women with their knockers out and it’s just wall-to-wall wangs now. They’ve totally ruined it”
The new episode ties up some loose ends from series 5: John Snow is not dead after he remembered to drink a potion that makes him immune to being stabbed. Jaime Lannister’s hand goes across the narrow sea to thumb war those guys with the gold masks. Podrick Payne opens a hairdressers in Meereen but mustn’t tell Mercedes that it was him who cancelled Channelle’s charity disco.