Israel’s president Nethanyahu acknowledges that a motion passed by the National Union of Students to boycott Israeli goods has made him reconsider his policy on Palestine.

“I mean, various organisations and individuals often say they don’t want to do dealings with Israel,” detailed Nethanyahu. “But when it’s the NUS, lead by Malia Bouattia who was reluctant to condemn ISIS boycotting and condemning you, you know that shit is serious.

I think because the NUS are such a fair and reasonable organisation, I should be forced to take their concerns seriously. Their decision that Jewish students can no longer choose their Jewish representative is obviously one that was not taken in vain, and is clearly grounded in logical thought.

I especially liked when they called out that racist Nick Lowles for being Islamophobic- who does that bastard think he is, with his tireless years of activism against fascism.

Also, I think the fact that an inanimate carbon rod was an NUS presidential nominee in 2013 reflects the union’s commitment to diversity. And let’s not forget their tireless commitment to vague promises such as ending disablist portrayals of characters in the media, and banning nasty social networking sites like Yik Yak. The NUS have proved that they have more leverage than securing cheap drinks for students”.

Nethanyahu also praised the NUS decision to ban Robin Thicke’s light-heared take on aggressive sexual harrassment.

– Paige Tracey