Education Secretary Nicky Morgan is under pressure from MPs to explain the slipping standards of English demonstrated in the suicide notes of this year’s A-level students.

Increasing tuition fees and plummeting graduate wages have contributed to the stress felt by Britain’s anxious students, whose suicide notes this year display such a poor grasp of the English language that education watchdogs have ringed alarm bells.

Michael Gove MP said today that our stressed-out students “find themselves in an increasingly noisy, market-driven, capitalist world where the weak die and the strong live, and they are unable to compete in it due to their inadequate language skills.”

“Britain’s put-upon students regularly arrive at sixth form armed with a worse understanding of English grammar and syntax than their foreign counterparts,” Gove said.

One particular suicide note was criticised for unnecessary hyphenation in the phrase, “good-bye cruel world.” Another student’s death note regularly shifted from the past to present tense, sometimes within the course of a single sentence.

“We have to target children at an even younger age with stricter, more draconian schooling if we are to have any chance of addressing this worrying decline in standards,” said Gove.