Manchester United have today announced that Chinese people will be barred from the stadium, with immediate affect.

A statement was released earlier today on the Manchester United official website and on MUTV, issuing a full ban on Chinese fans entering Old Trafford and all of the adjoining facilities. The statement cited obsessive photography, annoying voices, suspicious-looking faces, a general lack of understanding of football and a funny soy sauce odour as the main reasons for the ban. It is believed the ban will only apply to those of full Chinese decent – Japanese and cross breeds are thought to be exempt from the exclusion.

MUFC chairmen Joel and Avram Glazer have not been shy in voicing their contempt at the Chinese following the revelation that global warming was in fact, invented by the Chinese. The Glazers’ business interests have been blighted by environmental legislation, for which the Glazers’ hold the Chinese entirely responsible.

MUFC will be increasing the number of stewards and sniffer dogs at all home games in order to catch any Chinese caught flouting the restrictions.

-Joe Palmer